stuff & nonsense

Dear god, some things are so worth waiting for. I mean, damn. Ahem.

Something I notice a lot amongst my peers - and particularly in my industry - is a cut-throat competitiveness that is just… off-putting, to say the least. Am I naturally competitive? Yes, in the sense that I like to be “the best” at what I do. That doesn’t mean the best in the world, but rather my personal best, as corny as that sounds. I like to have confidence in my competence and to earn the things I have in my life - whether it be money, notoriety, promotions, whatever - strictly via merit rather than ass kissing, fucking people over, being sly, etc. And yet, I so often feel like I’m alone in that stance. That the concept of working hard and believing in the basic principle of karma - that if you put good shit out into the world, it’ll eventually come back to you - has gone out the window for most people. I see the shit that goes on around me and I feel like my brain is going to explode out of my skull. What in the hell is wrong with people?

I don’t mean to sound as if I think the sun shines out of my own ass, because I certainly don’t feel that way. There’s a shitload of stuff on this planet that I don’t yet know and look forward to learning, and I certainly make my mistakes. But I also don’t feel that in order for me to get where I want to be, to amass wealth (and by wealth I mean enough money to provide a comfortable life for myself and my family) and “power” (which doesn’t even interest me so much in and of itself, I just like shit done right and feel the easiest way to accomplish this is usually to do it myself - a sign of a true micromanager. I’m working on it!), I have to be a total dick and try to undercut other people or cast them in a negative light to try and make myself look better. I suppose I’m just not that insecure and don’t see the point. I work hard for what I have and I’m damn good at what I do. That’s the end of it. Everyone else can do whatever the hell they want.

The complication arises, however, when people don’t have the same attitude and involve me in their bullshit. I’m a patient person, but I’m also quick on the uptake and there’s only so much fuckery I can withstand before I can’t take it anymore, and I snap. I don’t know if there’s anything more frustrating than when people pull shit and lie about it and think you’re stupid enough to believe it. It’s so hard to find a balance between “smile and nod” and “fuck you”, and I really struggle with it. I’m just lucky I’ve got someone in my life that loves me enough to keep me grounded, humble, honest and reminds me that being a fucker never works out in the end.